Business Coaching
A zen moment …
I was looking at the autumn leaves on the trees in my yard, appreciating how they don’t all turn at once. The trees still have some green leaves, some in phases of change, and others fully transitioned to red, orange, and yellow.
Some are already on the ground.
It occurred to me that nature is illustrating a useful change management … and leadership … principle.
For the trees and their summer leaves, winter looms. They leaves must turn and fall.
It’s the same for us.
You’ve probably heard all the tips for managing your time more effectively.
They make sense. They’re useful, and yet, when you focus on wrangling back some of your time, you’re focusing on a symptom, not the disease.
I want to go deeper. I want to talk about the need to manage your attention.
Are they related … managing time and managing attention?
Of course. But managing time has to be done in the service of managing your attention and keeping your focus.
Otherwise, all you’re doing is ending up with a bit more time and still no clear idea of what you need it for or what you’re gonna do with it!
The goal of managing attention is far more critical. That said, you can only achieve it by managing your time.
Case in point:
I’ve had an uptick recently in the number of clients who feel like they’re failing … failing at work, failing at being a parent, failing at keeping it together with their spouse. Not being all they want to be. Not doing all they want to do.
It’s affecting their sense of self-worth.
If that sounds like you, let me grab you … virtually … by the shoulders, give you a little shake, look you straight in the eyes and say, in my most no-nonsense, but loving way …
We all want to see a more just world. And our natural reaction when we either see or experience injustice is to get angry.
Anger can be a useful emotion IF it causes us to stop tolerating the intolerable.
But that all depends on what you and I do with our anger. It doesn’t matter if the injustice manifests on a personal, family, or societal level …
We have a choice. We can:
Gandhi and MLK Jr. had it right.
Trying to force change on the unrepentant, whose hearts are not open to change, simply doesn’t work.
Tough Times. Crazy times.
So, the big question is whether or not it’s okay to continue marketing your services?
Yes and no.
No, if it looks and feels at all like a “pitch.” Just look at how you, yourself, react when you get a salesy kind of message these days. It feels so tone deaf and crass, as if the sender is oblivious to what’s going on in the world.
YES, if your efforts are focused on reaching out to people, connecting with them and figuring out ways to serve them in this time of extreme need.
You know, the great thing about advertisers, especially TV advertisers, is they never run the same commercial over and over again. What they put out is always fresh, new, and original.
Yeah, right.
No. They run the same *#@$ spot so relentlessly it gets to the point you can recite the script line by line.
It seems crazy. We got the message already!
Clearly, these ad guys and gals are pretty darn savvy when it comes to marketing. So, why do they do it?
Why do you do what you do professionally?
Is it because you love it and can’t imagine doing anything else … because it fulfills you in every way?
Is it because it pays well or offers tremendous opportunities?
Is it because you feel as if you don’t have other really viable options?
Look, if you do what you do because it’s fulfilling and you love it, count yourself among the luckiest people on earth.
It’s regrettable, but the vast majority don’t find themselves in that camp.
Most are either doing what they do just to pay the bills or because they see themselves as just flat stuck.
Now, let’s be clear. Who among us hasn’t found themselves unhappy with various aspects of their work life situation from time to time or even on an ongoing basis?
Precious few, so let’s not pretend the absolute ideal position even exists out there for more than a very lucky few.
And even those who love what they do have aspects of their work they’d rather not have to deal with … like accounting, managing employees, or trying to master baffling technology.
Every situation has its drawbacks, its annoyances, its limitations.
So, what’s the point? Why do I bring this up?
I do my best in these newsletters to pass along useful insights designed to help you better understand the challenges we all face and what we can do to improve our performance, be happier, and find greater reward and fulfillment from the work we do.
But this month, let’s forget about the self-improvement and just focus on being happy and enjoying the holidays.
Too often the holidays are more stressful than fun.
I say nuts to that.
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Holiday parties and other year end activities can be a lot of fun … for most people.
But not for everybody.
I regularly have clients bring up how they dread going to work-related holiday events. So, what’s the problem?
They hate the idea of mixing/networking in a room and many have difficulty knowing how to easily start a conversation with a stranger.
You know there has to be a better way than just sticking out your hand, introducing yourself, and staying, “Hi. What do you do?”
It’s not as if that’s so bad, but you’re right There’s a better way.
Your boss is terrible.
She talks so harshly to you. The disdain and lack of respect makes you feel small and disempowered. There’s not much said when you do a job well, but plenty of criticism if things don’t go just right … and I mean exactly according to plan.
And woe unto you if you look after your own needs, you procrastinate the least little bit, or … god forbid … you make an actual mistake. You get absolutely berated.
She doesn’t do much in the way of providing you with the training and continuing education you need in order to really thrive at work. Whatever you do receive seems to be an afterthought, rather than being an integral part of a well-thought-out personal development plan.
And when you need some real guidance in terms of setting goals and priorities, and strategically managing your time … forget about it.
And so you find yourself just kind of floating through your days from task to disconnected task, not really making the most of your time, talent, or skills.
It’s a shame your boss can’t be more enlightened and just plain nicer.
Wait … what’s that?
What you think about, and more importantly, what you really focus your attention on, makes all the difference when it comes to A) how happy and stress-free you are, B) how successful you are … and … C) how connected you are to what’s really important and magical about life.
If life isn’t feeling that magical to you right now, or you’ve had times … as all of us have … when you feel harried and life seems like a grind, ask yourself this question …
What’s your mind full of?
Now, if you hadn’t figured it out already, I’m attempting a bit of subtle word play here.
The need to compete is a simple fact of life. Everyone can’t have everything they want any time they want it. Whenever there’s a scarcity of something desirable, be it food or a job or a romantic partner, people will compete with each other.
And there’s nothing wrong with healthy competition where people succeed in gaining the prize by virtue of their superior knowledge, drive, skills, and creative ability.
The need to compete on merit keeps us sharp, always figuring out new ways to gain an edge.
Where competition becomes destructive is when power, position, and influence enter the equation rather than merit.
I recently became involved in a situation in a company where a senior person intruded on the territory of a couple of colleagues … because she could.
What do you think that does to morale and ongoing collaborative efforts?
Last month, we looked at why you sometimes get misunderstood at work.
This month, we focus on what you can do to keep it from happening.
Personality differences …
Let’s start with the number one bit of advice I can give you to bridge the gap between you and those who think and act differently than you.
It starts with understanding how things go wrong.
People who communicate, process information, make decisions, and interact with others differently than you will often see your style and your particular behavior as perverse and motivated by something other than positive intention.
Sometimes people just don’t get you. You’re misunderstood at work … and it’s frustrating.
After all, you just want what’s best for your organization.
But there’s a mismatch between A) your positive intentions and what you see as your constructive communications and well-meaning actions and B) how others perceive those intentions and actions.
I see it all the time.
Examples: You take the bull by the horns and get a job done and others see you as controlling, non-collaborative, bossy, and competitive.
You listen carefully to what others in a meeting are saying … then take time to carefully consider it before offering any comment or opinion. Others see you as uninterested and disengaged.
Research shows, and our own personal experience confirms, that the way people relate to you is based on who they perceive you to be as a person … an employee … a manager … a leader.
Your intentions simply don’t matter.
If you could accomplish absolutely anything you wanted in your personal life or your business … and you knew you couldn’t fail … what would you take on?
It’d be something big, wouldn’t it?
But there are no guaranteed successes in life.
When you take on something big, you know there’s always the possibility you could fail.
Sure, you came up with a great plan, but something unexpected happened and, just like that, you’re out for the count.
That’s life. Nothing is promised. Nothing guaranteed, besides death, taxes, and telemarketers calling at dinnertime.
But here’s the crazy thing.
